Archive for the ‘crap’ Category

Fan of gratuitous self-grouping

Thursday, April 17th, 2008

Recently I’ve noticed that I have friends on Facebook who have become fans of not only music groups, movies, and even companies, but also specific nations. Apple devotees are one thing, but do we really need nation-based fanboys? This behavior smells to me like another example of Stuff White People Like.

What does it even mean to become a “Fan of Israel?” Do you go to all its events? Do you read the newsletters? Do you tell people that you were into it even before it got big?

What about people who are fans of Israel but not fans of America? Will Dick Cheney send his secret police to raid those kids? Or what about people who are fans of Lee Greenwood but not fans of America? The America group should get an M&A team and do a buyout of the Greenwood group. Same interests, now with streamlined management. Hellooooo synergy.

Facebook is silly; I heart Facebook.

But does it come with a juicebox?

Thursday, April 10th, 2008

Here’s a doubly entertaining email that I received yesterday. Here are a few reasons why I find this thing so enjoyable:

  • It’s not even Earth Day yet
  • Even if it were, this is not 1991. Who still celebrates Earth Day?
  • There’s a unicorn in one of the lunchboxes
  • There’s another that’s actually a Bento box
  • This email reminds me that yes, I am on the mailing list

Goodbye BVI

Friday, December 28th, 2007

My time in the BVI has come to an end, and while I’m looking forward to getting back home, I’ll miss the beauty of the sea, the warmth of the people, and that certain je ne sais quoi that makes my hair look much better here than it does in New York. It’s a shame that I spent more than half of my time here indoors writing b school applications, but if I had to be stuck somewhere writing these essays, I suppose this is just about the nicest place I can be.

so meta

Wednesday, November 21st, 2007

(12:42:55) Keshav Lall: what are you going right now?
(12:43:16) Blake Stuchin: sitting at the office typing an IM to keshav

Reason #4,918 that I can’t live in Southern California

Monday, November 19th, 2007

How do you make smalltalk if you live in San Diego? How do you awkwardly talk to strangers when it’s always nice out? “Nice day, huh?” Maybe talk about the Padres? These are things I think that I’d like to learn.

Weather Babble

Monday, November 19th, 2007

It’s 4:25 in the afternoon, why is it pitch black in midtown? Winter sucks. It’s 39 degrees outside, it’s dark by 3pm and it’s been raining at some point every day for a week.

surf dudes with attitude… kinda groovy

Sunday, October 7th, 2007

Tonight at a party I made references to Kris Kross, Joey Lawrence’s music career, and the TV show California Dreams. No one had any idea what I was talking about. I feel old.

Last Person Watching

Saturday, September 22nd, 2007

Has there ever been a bigger trainwreck to a live reality TV finale show than Wednesday’s conclusion to Last Comic Standing? What happened to this once watchable program? The show hasn’t had any credibility in the comedy world since Dat Phan won the first season, but at least they’ve traditionally had good talent leading up the finals. The first four seasons brought us Rich Vos, Todd Glass, Kathleen Madigan, Alonzo Bodden and Jay London. Even Gary Gulman seemed funny when I first saw him do his I-am-a-gigantic-Jew routine. And at this year’s auditions we got the amazing comedic stylings of Mel Silverback, the world’s first stand up gorilla, whose act was easily the best two minutes of the entire season.

But back to the atrocious season finale of this year’s garbage fest. After eliminating all the good performers in the early rounds (thanks America!) we were left with the funny-when-you-can-understand-him LaVell Crawford, and the not-very-funny-but-certainly-quite-excitable Jon Reep. The two hour I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-Cable schlockfest featured special guest performers Carrot Top, a bunch of puppets, and some guy whose entire act is an impression of John Madden. I couldn’t make that up if I wanted to. This is NBC, the network that gave Jerry Seinfeld a show, and this is the best that they could come up with for guests on their season finale. Carrot Top? Really? Was Sinbad not available? And the guy who did the impression of John Madden… I spend half my week thinking about fantasy football and I don’t even find that guy funny.

Oh and Dane Cook! They had Dane Cook! The internet loves Dane Cook! What does this say about the LCS season finale that it was so grossly unwatchable that I found myself actually thinking “gee Dane Cook is coming up at least he’s a real comic, maybe he’ll be good.” And I hate Dane Cook. But I digress… so when Dane Cook came on, he didn’t even do his act, he just showed a clip of his new movie with Jessica Alba, did 30 seconds of unrehearsed talk show style blather with Bill Bellamy, and then walked out. I actually felt cheated. What’s worse - thinking that I was about to see totally unfunny stand up from totally unfunny Dane Cook, or actually feeling gipped that totally unfunny Dane Cook didn’t even bother to do totally unfunny stand up, he just stood there.

Thank God they gave five minutes to Robert Schimmel. At least one person at NBC still understands that if you’re going to do a show about stand up comedy, it helps to have funny comedians.

TVSquad panned the episode, too.

This Week in crazy

Wednesday, June 20th, 2007

Source: Photobucket

Two fun stories about crazy people today. In celebrity crazy, David Hasselhoff lost visitation privileges of his children “for two weeks after the public leak of a videotape showing an apparently drunken Hasselhoff struggling to eat a cheeseburger while on the floor of his Las Vegas home.”

And in sports crazy, Devil Rays rookie Elijah Dukes served up a
delightful pile of unrelenting nonsense crazy on a Tampa radio station. Among the gems:

“Ni’Shea Dukes, who you also called … featuring as a good wife and a stand-up type of person, is not so stand-up after all,” Dukes said. “First of all you need to get a little bit of her background. She was not born as a Paris Hilton or nothing like that to be trying to talk all proper. … You all need to go to the house and see what I’ve done for my kids. … If she wouldn’t have been trying to steal my money the whole time we’ve been trying to talk, we would probably still be together right now. Everything is about money.”

On Gilbert’s claim that Duke told her his mom had a crack problem, Dukes said: “First of all, I never said nothing about crack because I don’t know nothing about crack. … I never told anyone my mom smoked crack.”

On the alleged report that he impregnated a 17-year-old: “Me and her did something one time, and it was not even close to the time she conceived this baby. I know for a fact it’s not mine.”

Thanks to Danny for the tip on this one.

Here but not forgotten

Wednesday, May 9th, 2007

Forgive me, fair reader, I’ve been neglect in fulfilling my posting duties. I’ll be back soon.

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